Big Cass talks his battles with depression, says his seizure changed his life
CazXL, f.k.a Big Cass in WWE, was featured in a recent DDP Yoga awareness video which highlighted his struggles with depression, anxiety, and alcoholism. Cass spoke candidly about his issues encouraging those going through similar situations to seek proper help.
“Being depressed is one thing,” Caz said. “Having depression on a daily basis is another thing… It’s hard to tell people about it because who knows what they’re going to say, ‘You’re looking for attention. You have everything you ever wanted…’, so you just keep it to yourself. You just hide it deep down which is the worst thing you can do.
“[I] didn’t seek help for years,” Caz admitted. “Self medicated with alcohol. Went to the bars trying to drink beers and couldn’t really fall asleep. When I woke up I was like, ‘I wish that God would have just taken me in my sleep.’ Why am I thinking this? ‘I wish that I wouldn’t be alive today’.”
During a match on RAW in August of 2017, Caz suffered a knee injury. He said that the injury caused him to eat unhealthy and drink in excess.
“I wrestled Enzo and tore my ACL,” Caz recalls. “The amount that I was drinking was ridiculous, the food I was putting into my body was ridiculous, no physical activity, chain smoking cigarettes. [WWE] had every right in the world to get rid of me.”
Last December, Caz had a seizure and fell to the floor in the lobby of a House of Hardcore event. Caz felt that the incident was actually a sign from God.
“I went to do the House of Hardcore show in Philadelphia,” Caz said. “Going into the show, I hadn’t slept in two days. Don’t remember walking out through the curtain, don’t remember going to the autograph table, came to in the ambulance. And they told me I had a seizure. I took that as a sign from God. God spoke to me that day and he was saying, ‘If you want to live this life, you’re going to end up dead because this is where your life is heading.’ I could have died the night. That’s what I was told in the ER.
“This guy walks up to me while I’m signing autographs and says, ‘You’re deeply depressed. You’re down, and I’m going to help you out.’,” Caz claimed. “After the seizure I immediately went to live with him in Delaware. Sober living, clean living, healthy positive attitude and he turned my life around.
“I am sitting here right now telling you that I should be dead with the amount I drank and the seizure I had,” Caz admitted. “I shouldn’t be here. If anybody out there suffers with depression, anxiety, and you’re hiding it because there’s a stigma that you’re weak, you’re not weak. Whatever it is, you need to seek help. Whether it’s medication or talk therapy, or whatever it is that you need, you need to get it because hiding it deep down, it’s not going to work and that’s what I did for a long time and eventually… pop, it’s just an explosion. Whatever you need to do to fix it, make sure you do it. Keeping that sh*t bottled deep down, it aint worth it. Trust me from somebody who lived it. Seek help.”
Caz was released from WWE in 2018 for behavioral issues and public intoxication. Caz has since worked the independent circuit including an appearance for Ring of Honor.
If you use any of the quotes in this article, please credit DDP Yoga with a h/t to Wrestling Inc. for the transcription.